The Yearning for Home.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all want a home. And we all yearn to go back to it. Whether we accept it or not.

Some of us yearn for it much sooner than others. But what is it that we yearn for? And why is it such a constant feeling?

This weekend, as I watched “The Odyssey” and reflected on some of the other conversations I had with a few friends, this topic kept coming back to me.

Well, one reason I think is generally true is that we revel in being amongst known people and in our comfort zone. And a home provides us just that.

But then, it wouldn’t explain the entirety of this feeling.

I think the main reason why we yearn for our home is because it grounds us. It makes us feel who we are. It provides us with an inner satisfaction of being in a place where we are looked after.

Most importantly, it envelopes us in a sense of belonging. Within the world. With our own place in it. With the comfort of knowing that we are safe there…

But that explains why a home is important for us in our lives. It doesn’t yet explain why we yearn for it.

I think the answer to the second part lies in the basic nature of us humans. We want something that we can call our own. We desire to be with it. And we plan to hold on to it and the feeling of being there.

And that’s why, wherever we may be around the world, that yearning keeps us going back to our homes. To the harbour that we are anchored to.

Isn’t it constraining us then? Someone may ask! I think it doesn’t.

Yearning doesn’t mean we can’t explore or be outside. It just means we are as normal as a person can be, and we have willingly agreed to keep that yearning at bay for a while as we seek out life…

Maximizing Profits

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This isn’t a business post. It is not linked to anything remotely business.

Why am I saying so? Because we instantly associate profits with business and work. But is that the only way to look at it?

The past few weeks, in multiple conversations with colleagues and friends, and in my thoughts, I came across this theme. How to maximize profits?

Well, you see, it is how our minds work. How we retain what we have been taught. And of course, how work consumes so much of our daily lives!

But we would be amiss to think about profits only in the context of our work or business. Of course, profits in that arena is what we all want to maximize. To gain more and faster. To prove that we are contributing meaningfully with the right impact. To ensure we can justify what we do.

Profit also comes in the context of our relationships. The positive mind may think of how we are benefitting each other in a relationship. The circumspect one will also think about how are we maximizing our closeness to someone to benefit in some form and shape.

There’s another angle though. How do we profit collectively and become better – a better family, a better community. How do we maximize this?

Then, there’s profit in the context of our health. How do we profit from healthy habits to elongate our chances of living more? Or how do we maximize our profits from the workouts we engage in, and if there’s enough return on investment of time and energy.

But here also there’s another angle. How do we maximize our profits and hit our goals while allowing ourselves to enjoy the little pleasures of life?

How could I forget money matters and profit in that context. How do we ensure we are maximizing our returns and adopting the right strategy for investing our hard earned money? Or how do we maximize both short-term and long-term profits.

Of course, there is another angle here too. How do we maximize our knowledge and hold on financial matters, such that profits are a by-product and not left to the skill of others only or luck.

If you look at all these aspects – relationships, health, financial matters, work or business – they are all interrelated. If we don’t handle them in the right proportion, profits from one domain could be at the cost of a great loss in another.

That’s a rather tricky thing to achieve…

Health.

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It is such an important part of our lives, being healthy! How much importance we give to it is another matter.

Over the past few weeks, a thought had been playing in my mind – why are so many young, seemingly healthy people, falling sick or passing away? A couple of incidents happened within my known circles, and they only added further anguish to these thoughts.

As I thought more about this subject, I naturally started to think about my own lifestyle and what am I doing right or wrong – at least as per my understanding.

Over the years, I have been generally taking care of myself, eating in moderation, exercising regularly, and switching off from work as much as I can. So, my self-rating on some of these aspects was quite ok. But then, there were a couple of things that I wasn’t doing very well on.

Sleep, for one. My sleep patterns had been disturbed for the past few months and while I had tried to make it better, there was still room for improvement.

Controlling my urges in between meals. Having been disciplined at it in the past, I had loosened my reins. Resulting in random snacking at times, all in the day.

Taking stress about things that can be avoided, and always being worried about something or the other going on in life. I have always wanted to do my best, and that naturally leads to high internal expectations, creating tension and stress at times.

Most importantly, I had not got a health checkup done for a couple of years. No excuses here, apart from general procrastination.

As I took stock of these shortfalls, I started to map out improvements needed. Over the last couple of weeks, I have made conscious efforts to sleep on time and not overstretch myself on weekends. I have also become disciplined again about what I am eating, to the degree I can. Avoiding stressing myself about small things, while making peace with how things are, rather than fighting them all the time.

And finally, after some nudging in the office as well, I went ahead and got an extensive checkup done. There are a couple of concerns those tests unearthed, which is a good thing.

Knowing is half the battle won, they say. I say, it is just an internal acknowledgment and unless paired with action, doesn’t mean anything. So, next in line is a plan to bring down those identified troublesome markers.

Having turned wiser from this experience, I reflected on what took me so long to recalibrate!

I think it was just the fallacy of everything is fine with myself, and it is only others who get affected by health concerns. Too much overconfidence, or ignorance.

Probably a reason why a lot of us are unhealthy and unaware about it, leading to an illness or a never-thought about turn of events…

The Support System

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The lights were zooming in. There was applause in the hall, as Viraj was called on the stage.

She got up and started walking towards the stage. Some people shook her hand, some shouted her name, and some just smiled. She responded positively to everyone.

As she reached the stares, she hesitated. Not because she was unsure of herself. But because she suddenly remembered those who had made it happen.

It wasn’t just her win. It was a collective effort. By her team which consisted of her husband, son, and mother-in-law. They had all played their part in her success.

She looked back, to where they were seated. There were big smiles on that table!

She climbed up. There was more applause. As she received the award for the best functional leader in her company, she could hear her son shouting for her.

In that instance, her mind went back a couple of years. She had taken a sabbatical from the company she had been working for seven years, to rethink about her future.

She had been a steady performer and had always been happy doing the job entrusted to her. With timely promotions and pay hikes, she couldn’t complain much.

Over the last few months though, she had been feeling unsettled. She wanted to do more but wasn’t sure if she was ready to take up those responsibilities. Battling with this uncertainty, she dragged her feat for a while.

Anshul, her husband, knew her well. He had always supported her and there was no need for her to feel that ways. But as sometimes happens with the best too, self doubt had creeped in. He just advised her to take some time off and think through on her path ahead.

Heeding Anshul’s advice, Viraj decided to go for a three-month sabbatical. This three months, she spent time with herself. She traveled a bit and unwinded.

As her mind relaxed, and she got more time to reflect on things, it became clear that she wanted to lead the function she was in. She had the experience and the understanding of doing so. And she saw herself doing more complex things naturally.

The only hitch – their young son was autistic, needing time and attention. She had been managing with Anshul’s help till now. But if she took up a bigger role, she would have to devote more time at work. How would they be able to manage themselves.

She didn’t have an answer. She pondered over it but still had nothing. As had been their practice, she discussed this with Anshul. He asked for some time to think and pondered over it.

In a few days, he came back with a solution. His mother, who was on her own now after his dad’s demise, could shift with them. She would be at home, to give the attention their son needed. And Anshul would himself take it slower at his workplace over the next year or so to settle things down.

She was apprehensive of the plan, because it would change the setup. But Anshul convinced her that they will make it work. He also had a chat with Kush, their son, and explained to him the situation. He was a very understanding kid, and instantly liked the idea of spending more time with his grandmother.

Settled in her mind, Viraj joined back the company and talked to her boss about what she had in mind. It was as if he was waiting for her to claim the role, and it was agreed to.

Bracing herself for the change, Viraj dived deep into the role and gave it her all. Over the course of the next year and more, she established herself as a natural leader. Her team couldn’t be happier, her peers respected her, and her bosses had confidence in her.

No doubt, when the annual awards happened, she won the best functional leader award!

Beaming with joy, as she climbed down the stage, and headed for her table, her family was waiting to hug her and congratulate her.

After all, it was the support system that made this all possible…

I have a dream!

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Such is the connotation with this statement that it’s almost considered cliched.

And yet, the power and excitement it holds is still something I ponder about every time I hear it.

This week, as I took some time off work and roamed around in the western forests of South India, this line kept coming back to me.

At first, I went back in time to when I was a child. The statement had no relevance for me then, except for the fact that I did have a dream.

To get into the armed forces and to fly fighter jets. As I have mentioned earlier in these blogs, that was not to be. I did join the Indian Army but the dream was shattered and I had to leave early on due to a medical injury.

Thinking back about those days, the only thing I can remember is the fierceness with which I protected my dream. How I went out of my way to practice, train, excel in things that I had not done before. All to live that dream! What lessons I learnt then…

My mind then fast forwarded to my headspace post MBA. Convinced that I was meant to do something more with my life, I dreamed of becoming an entrepreneur.

I left the job I had gotten after college, choosing instead to grind myself in the intricacies of a sector and sphere I had no clue about. It was hard but fun.

Again, the one thing that had me going was my dream of becoming a successful businessman. Building something from the ground up, daring to go where my sane mind won’t have gone.

It didn’t turn out well in the end but living that dream life taught me much. Some of that learning has helped me a lot subsequently.

As these memories kept swirling, taking inspiration from them, my heart asked me a simple question – then why are we not chasing something big now?

My mind raced to answer it. But before it could do so, my heart reconciled – because there’s no dream that is big enough, yet, to give it my all.

Yet. That’s the key word my mind recognised. It heaved a sigh. For it is pursuing a large goal right now. And it knows that it will take all my energy to achieve the goal I am behind right now.

The heart was smiling though. Because it knows that dreams often come when they aren’t expected. But when they come and hold, the force often knocks down walls built over years…

‘Freedom to Fail’

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These words contain a dichotomy. How can someone be given the room to fail?

And yet, they are magical. For in these words, lie the very essence of why someone succeeds…

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a new TV series on how India’s biggest watch company, Titan, came into existence.

It was a great reminder of the heroic power of entrepreneurship and the persistent belief to make it happen.

The biggest line that remained with me post the watch, was “freedom to fail”!

It was used by the protagonist to egg on his team after an abject failure. And by his mentor, silently, to convey his confidence in his protege.

In the past couple of weeks, as I often thought about it, I realised how important it is in our life too.

Ask a parent about how their child grew up. Most likely because they let her have the freedom to fail. When she was taking her first steps, or when she was rushing to make friends, or when she was trying to learn a new skill. They didn’t judge her or stop her from doing those things.

Ask a teacher about her best students. She allowed them to experiment and learn, rather than stopping them from anything. Even her worst students were allowed the freedom to fail, in the hope that they will rise some time.

Ask a husband about his wife. How they became successful in their marriage because they allowed each other the freedom to be themselves and fail at a few things when it came to each other’s expectations. And in doing so, how they learnt to stand by each other during the toughest times, even though they may have failed on a simple occasion.

Or ask anyone who succeeded in a corporate job, how they reached where they are. I doubt if we will find even one case where they would not have encountered a senior who had allowed them to falter and yet succeed in the longer run.

You see, it is this freedom to fail that gives anyone the confidence to succeed. That is why the child, the student, the spouse, or the teammate get past hurdles in life and learn to live.

And yet, the first thought that comes to mind when we hear these three words is, “oh, that’s strange!”.

It is perhaps our conditioning that needs to change…

The commercial angle

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We, mortal beings, seek simple pleasures in life. We want to enjoy life, be around our loved ones, and be happy.

And yet, often I have found that somehow our motives are commercial in nature.

We may start off naively but soon enough, the sound of money or the lure of the benefit gets us.

And then, we start basing our decisions and actions around those “important factors”.

It doesn’t sound sexy or in fashion, so maybe we don’t talk about it. But I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t been tempted at least once.

A few weeks back something similar happened with me. I was writing my blog on the Sunday when India’s national cricket league came to a close.

Cricket in India is above everything else, so there was bound to be a lot of chatter about the winners. Bangalore being the champions, was the cherry on the cake for those of us from the city.

As I finished watching the match and then my blog, before posting it, the thought ran in my mind – if I post it now, what is the likelihood of people reading it? Will it get drowned in the sea of messages across channels?

I hesitated for a bit. Should I wait till the morning? Or should I go ahead and publish as per my usual Sunday night schedule?

That opening was enough for more doubts to crop up. Who’s reading my posts? What time do I publish and how soon do they get it on their feed? Do I need to do some more amplification?

Sitting close to midnight, these thoughts were only delaying my sleep. But the left brain wanted to press on, asking logical questions.

It took me a while to realise that I was drifting away. The debate was endless and its merit to me wasn’t clear enough.

Not that I don’t care about who reads my posts or how do I reach them and others better. But that’s not the sole purpose of my writing.

I write for myself. I write because I want to. I write whether someone reads or not.

That clarity, as it emerged, grounded me again. I knew what I had to do.

Publish the post. Share on social channels. Share on various groups. Forward to subscribers.

Then, repeat it the next Sunday…

A retired life?

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Anil was on the couch, fidgeting with his beard.

It was a dull day, in a rather dry June. The fan was humming above his head, with light coming into the room through the large window.

There was silence at home. His wife had gone out shopping and there was no one else. Anil was staring at the ceiling, pondering over his future.

Having turned sixty, he had just retired two months back. After spending more than three decades in different roles in the same organisation, he had finally called it a day.

He had initially thought that he would take it easy post his retirement. After all, he deserved to enjoy life.

The first couple of weeks were nice. No pressure of a routine, no stress of work or deadlines, and no worry. Then, as he entered the third week, he started feeling a little bored.

What should he do with all the time he had on hands now? Sitting around at home seemed like a waste beyond a point. How much television could he watch. Or how many conversations could he have with his wife, the only other person at home now?

He felt he had energy that he could utilise. So, he started playing tennis every day. Moving from a weekend routine to weekdays did help his game but it was enough to fill just a couple of hours. There was still so much time.

He then thought of meeting with friends and other people he had known. Some of them had time for him, while others didn’t. So, it meant only a couple of meetings every week.

By the time the second month finished, he was restless. He enjoyed a routine less life, but he also craved to do something with his skills.

There wasn’t a particular passion he had in mind to follow. Or a desire to do something alternative as an extension of his career.

He had planned poorly…

As he kept thinking that day, fidgeting with his beard, he realised that he wasn’t alone in this trap. There were many contemporary professionals he knew of who probably were facing the same challenge.

Was there a way to do something together? He gnawed at the possibility for a while, eventually realising that it was worth trying.

He got up from the couch. Sitting down at his study table, he mapped out a plan. Not a thorough one that he usually did in his work days, but a rough sketch of what he can do about it.

Over the next couple of days, he spent more time thinking and jotting down notes. Finally, he had an outline he was happy with.

It wasn’t a full time role. It wasn’t a gig. It was an experiment to see if he could apply all his learning to do something interesting, something he had not even thought about before.

He was retired, but that didn’t mean he had to live a boring life…

Of commitments and promises…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Our lives are full of these. We make many in a single week sometimes.

How many of them are for the long term or continue long enough to be considered golden?

This weekend, as my parents celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary, and we got together to spend time as a family, this question rang in my ears.

Forty five years is a long time. A lifetime for some. Kudos to them!

It isn’t easy to carry on for so long, unless there’s real commitment and promise on both sides…

Growing up, I was witness to that commitment and promise on a regular basis. Whether it was the small everyday things or the big decisions, it was visible.

Not that there weren’t arguments or disagreements. There were many. But at the end, the commitment to each other and the promise to be together saw them resolve those differences amicably.

When it felt like the commitment was being tested during tough times, their promise to stand by each other shone brighter. And when good times rolled by, the trust in each other was only strengthened.

Today, as we celebrated their anniversary, it wasn’t anything grand. A quiet family lunch, banter and anecdotes through the day, and conversations about random topics, interspersed with calls from others to wish them, rounded off our day.

But it felt so grateful that we could get together and spend time as a family, without having to worry much. To be able to take out time from our schedules and be with them in a wholesome manner!

As a child in the household, if you see such a strong example, you’re bound to be influenced. So was I. Valuing commitment and promises has held me in good stead, in my own personal life.

But as I reflected more on the topic, it came to my attention that this isn’t just true for personal but also the professional world.

We can only excel at something when there’s commitment from inside, and when we are promising ourselves that we will do our best. If any of these two don’t sync, either the process or the results fall short.

What we often forget though, is that any commitment needs to be nurtured, and promises need to be kept. It is when we do this long enough, is when we get the results we had hoped for.

Just as in relationships and personal life, so too in our work and professional spheres…

Balancing it all

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Maintaining a state of equilibrium. That’s how balance is defined.

It couldn’t be truer for own management of life and how it is so important to maintain the balance at all times.

As is so often the case, each one of us tries to find this balance and builds a template around our lives.

But sometimes our life changes, even though temporarily, such that the template doesn’t work in that duration. That is when we get tested the most!

Last few weeks, this is what I have been dealing with…

Over the past year or so, I had built a template to balance the various things go on around me. At work and at home.

Then, in the last month, as my role and responsibilities evolved, and some new challenges came to the fore, my previously set template came under pressure.

At first, I tried to not change anything and continue as is. I struggled. The template was built for a different rhythm, and wasn’t fitting in, although I was trying my best.

I didn’t want to change many things in the balance I had found and as I kept thinking about what to tweak, I let it slide for a couple of weeks.

Not changing anything yet, I was hoping the new rhythm will settle down and my template will continue to function as is. That obviously didn’t work.

By last week, I knew that my previous tactics were not working. I could either accept it and build a new rhythm, or drop a few things that were hanging in the balance.

I haven’t nailed down everything and how I want to change my routine to handle some of those aspects. I am still figuring it out.

But I am hopeful I will find how to balance it all. And have the right template to balance things in this new phase of life. Until something changes again…